How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
