hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
