Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
