the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
