she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
