Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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