I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
