You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
