He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
