How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
