Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
