I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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