and you said cock pushups were impossible
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
