direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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