The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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