It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
