life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
