ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
