I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Its about making memories worth repressing
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
