Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
