I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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