just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
