I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
