yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
