god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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