Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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