Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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