I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
