Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wish there were birth control emojis
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
