i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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