Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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