I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
