i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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