connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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