Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
