Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
