You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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