It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
