is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
