It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
