You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
one might say we're banned from that church
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
