The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize