just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
