You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
