I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize