From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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