You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
