im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
