yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
