Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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