he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
