Where is the hickey?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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