I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
