if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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