wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
