Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
we're so committed to being not committed
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