you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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