Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
