Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
