He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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