You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
