puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
