The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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