Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
