Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
honey bunches of taint.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
