No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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