remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
