Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize