my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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