What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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