STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
