weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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